Monday, March 3, 2014

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Intellectual Evaluation

Dr. Richard O. Rotchett
1432 Ventura Blvd.
Topanga Canyon, CA 91623

Intellectual Evaluation

Name: Greer McGettrick
Date of Birth:   10/19/82
Chronological Age: 5 years 6 months
Date of testing 4/12-19/1987

Greer was referred for evaluation for the Rubber Tree Kindergarten Challenge Program. She is a very peculiar little girl with oddly cut hair and squint-y blue eyes. Her nails are not bitten although she usually has her hands in her pockets, nose or mouth so it is difficult to tell. On occasion she picks her nose; the nose picking does not appear to relate to frustration, though what she does with her 'findings' afterwards could possibly be the onset of Obsessive Compulsion Disorder. She holds pencils correctly, this has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I would mention it.

Background information

Greer is an only child of Mr. and Mrs. Kurt McGettrick. The father is a musician and the mother does something at a record label.
Greer has attended pre-school in a brick building next to a fast food restaurant, the parking lot seemed a lot bigger and the trees seemed a lot taller. Greer has trouble making friends, even when she is approached by other children she becomes anxious and reluctant to play in group games, it borders on reclusiveness. She likes art, music and nappies. She will work under supervision. If she is teased by other children, Greer will stare at her feet. In the 34 years of practice I've never seen this. I can only speculate that it is a defense mechanism of some sort. Also, her socks do not match.
In frustration Greer will stare off in to space rather than confronting the problem. For example, we asked her to solve y^ = x^3 - a x^2 = b x - c , a simple elliptic curve paradox and she stared out the window for 3 and a half minutes and then cried. She is advanced in fake sleeping and hiding, but average in seeking.

There are some learning or behavior difficulties in school. Greer confuses the letter "s" for "c" which we blame on English being stupid and has trouble pronouncing words that have the letter "r"s. Such as; "rejection" or "ribonucleotide" or "Rimbaud". It's adorable, but won't be in another year or so. To fix this speech impediment, we recommend a speech therapist that neurotically taps his pencil on the desk every time the child says a word incorrectly and clears his throat loudly when the child says a word reluctantly. Greer also seems to associate colors with numbers, for example she says that blue reminds her of the number (4) four and yellow is three (3) orange is one (1). This is possibly an example of what Vladimir Nabokov described in his memoir as "color hearing", though he explains that he associates letters with colors: "The long 'a' in the English language has for me a hint of weathered wood, [...] steely x, thundercloud z, huckleberry k" However, it is entirely possible that this is just the early signs of dyslexia and should not be encouraged. 
Her mother describes Greer as shy, but very creative, "her mind is often wandering and it is difficult to bring her back, if I ask her where she goes
 She often tells me nowhere, but I think the narrative she carries with herself may lead her to be a writer." We do not recommend the mother to encourage her daughter to become a writer, instead with children like Greer we hope to motivate them to becoming a Barista, (a word I've just made up, but in 15 years may mean something like a person making fancy coffee for people in a shop dedicated to only serving coffee.) 
Greer has excellent "self-control" we speculate it is because there Greer is advanced in comprehending the great amount of shame associated with "being in trouble". Ignoring the fear of being in trouble can lead to asking why in a critical way, not just an annoying way. Greer can speak English.

Test results


Greer was administered the Welchsler Pre-school and Primary Scale of Intelligence-Revised. Her verbal I.Q. was 0; she was too shy to talk to us all five times we asked her the questions. On our second attempt we tried asking her with puppets; that made her cry. We attempted hiding a walkie-talkie in "Wonald" her favorite stuffed animal; that may have traumatized her a bit (we remain that this is good for her lack of self-confidence.) Our last two attempts involved shock therapy and no nappies for 56 hours; we conclude that she is in the 99.9%ile of shyness and we conclude that she is in the 99.9%ile of being very good at staying awake while pretending she is being threatened. 

Her performance I.Q. was alright. Her geometric design was a little too much like a Buckminster Fuller sketch, when asked to assemble an object using popsicle sticks Greer made a Richard Serra sculpture that we've all seen a thousand times. Her Block Design was impressive if you think mastering the arch at age 5 is impressive. She giggled to herself when she drew a straight line form the beginning to the end of the maze. We see a somewhat crude sense of humor developing in the anatomically correct picture of a dog she drew in the Picture Completion section, and she somehow broke the square peg, those are hard to replace. Overall I would give her an Orange Yellow Blue give or take a Green.

Other testing

Results of the House-Tree-Person and Kinetic Family drawings were informative. These indicate that she thinks her father is red and her mother is blue, we analyze this to mean she has a low self-esteem and may possibly develop homosexual tendencies, though she probably won't ever figure that out. We are reluctant to say Greer does not think humans have noses, which is disturbing, we wonder what she thinks she is picking.  She also drew a dog with a normal body, but the head at least twice the size, we conclude that her dog is very sick or wears its collar too tightly. 
Furthermore, her House-Tree-Person drawing showed great promise if Greer pursues a career in house painting, tree painting, or person painting like for the circus. The "person" in her drawing exhibits characteristics of a flamboyant alien yielding a hammer, drunk with rage and a heavy conscious; we conclude this as normal for a child her age. Unfortunately, she made the clouds blue, and everyone knows; clouds are white. Recent studies in the Psychological Journal of Children's Behavior have concluded that children that make the clouds blue have sociopath tendencies, it is recommended that the child should be told immediately followed by the child explaining this to the parents. 


Greer is something else. We recommend that Greer come in for further analysis, we very much would like determine her Verbal I.Q. score, we have ways of making her talk. If you accept her into your program, I suggest it is on a trial basis, we believe it is important for the gifted children in your program to have another child to remind them just how gifted they are, hence that they may learn compassion and mental-diversity. With any luck, Greer will stop day dreaming and get to work. If you have further questions please consult a pamphlet.

Dr. Richard O. Rotchett
Psychologist # 06246
School Psychologist # 445
Diplomate # 54 Neuropsychology
Diplomate # 70 Behavioral Medicine 

Monday, February 17, 2014

Precedence Day 2014!

Happy Precedence Day! My favorite nationally recognized holiday!

I spent the week preparing like most Americans (and Canadians): I made a list of all my friends and put them in order of best to worst. I sent the top 10% Precedence Day cards (priority mail, of course) and received 8 in return!  A precedent. My precedenced friends are the best, really they are the best, your top friends, eh, not as great.

Next, I had to prepare for my Precedence Day line cutting ceremony. This is accepted in a lot great cities like Fresno and Des Moise, but it hasn't quite caught on in San Francisco so I'll have to explain it so that you may prepare for next year. Celebrating Precedence Day means making sure you value how wonderful you are and how you take priority over the people you think are, well, not as precedencial. Waiting in lines, while annoying, are understood as fair. Oh no, not on Precedence Day! Velvet stanchions in hand I cut those lines, I cut them good, bumping the impatient and imprudent alike (this is why banks and post offices are closed by the way.) Tartine, takes 3 minutes on Precedence Day, my only concern is which to select: brioche or savory bread pudding. (if you don't take a long time picking it's insulting to the people behind you.) Of course there are people that do not celebrate Precedence Day. Though San Francisco prides itself in tolerance and acceptance, there were shouts of out rage from the back of the line. Today I got;

"Hey, what do think you're doing, there's a line, can't you see? We've been waiting for 40 minutes!!"

 I addressed the crowd in a most sincere tone explaining that it is Precedence Day and if they understood anything about our Founding Fathers  they would understand that America's legacy is a constant celebration of stating our importance and acting out our disregard for merit and patience in the most unkind and unfair ways.  I don't know what their problem was but on the way out I felt a little bad, after all, they can't be blamed for their ignorance, so in the custom of Precedence Day and in proper precedencial fashion I ignored him really well.

[I am unhappy how this turned out, it is now 12:45am and I have rewritten this blog entry four times now, this is version one. The others versions get really dark and really silly and have been deleted for my and your safety. At least I get double overtime because it's a holiday]

new releases February 18th