I HATE THE HOLIDAYS

First off the views of this post do not represent that of Fayes or other employees of Fayes
Secondly, I had a fine childhood, thanky very much, don't project your dysfunctional family christmas mornings when your sister ripped off the head of your cabbage patch kid in retaliation after you "accidentally" stepped on her life size replica of,    ___. Meanwhile your mom's getting high in the backyard because it's the only way she can talk to her in-laws when they call any minute, any minute...any minute, she stayed up all night wrapping the presents sipping whatever she stole from the rest of the holiday office party's booze.  It's not my fault your dad's obsessively putting away the christmas lights, because he too hates christmas and told mom "those lights are coming down christmas morning." If there's a contest to see who can leave them up the longest in the neighborhood, he's going to win in taking them down first, and hopefully the god-damn Carvers across the street will follow suit and remove those god-damn battery powered waving santa clauses off their lawn, despite how many years he's "accidentally" run them over with car. Why would they buy two, that's just asinine, and confusing. It's also an unfortunate our brother's back from college, and won't come out of his room, but years later you know that's it's because he too drank from the leftover holiday office party booze and learned about mixing peppermint schnapps and anything. Now your chasing you sister with the blunt end of a my little pony because she threw the slides from your brand-new view master "Adventures of Fragle Rock" at you like Frisbees. Your Aunt Leigh whose hair is so blonde it's white and smells like dirt and flowers, is in the kitchen yelling christmas carols while also yelling at your Uncle Ed whose hair is much blacker than his eyebrows and mustache, to take pictures of the kids opening the presents when outside you hear the step ladder bang against the sidding of the house and dad is loudly whisper cursing everytime he pulls another section of lights off the gutter.
This was a stupid idea and now I don't have time to change it because I have to close. sorry. I wish you didn't read it.