Thursday, September 29, 2011

Let's play "WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKETS?!!??"

Thursdays during the middle of the day can be a little slow, so to entertain myself, I asked four lucky customers "HEY! WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKETS?!?!?!?" and then I analyze the contents and judge them.

customer #1:
-key ring with 5 keys, four of them with colored plastic thingies
-lighter, yellow
-cellphone, I-phone
-one pack of American Spirit cigarettes, color, blue
-wallet (brown, leather)
-one quarter, two dimes and four pennies

this is an easy one; total.... psycho...... killer, look under his house, I bet there are at least 5 dead bodies with their heads and fingers chopped off.

customer #2
-one handkerchief, red
-one porcelain elephant head, red
-three rabbit feet, all red
-five gummy bears, red
-fifteen game pieces from the board game "sorry," red
-three rubber bands, red
-one key, painted red
-four teeth, also painted red
-one 1"x1"x1" box, red, contents unknown
-twenty-three one dollar bills, dyed red

assessment: I assume he's very superstitious. I asked if his favorite color was red, he laughed and said, "no, but you know, a lot of people think that, I actually likes the color yellow, but a really soft creme kind of yellow like the color of the moon on a really humid night, that's the color of I had my dinning room painted this summer and it really looks so beautiful in the fall light, it's vibrant around 4 o'clock." Then he told me he was born on another planet, he said he couldn't pronounce it's name in any earthly tongue because it would cause human ears to explode, and he came here when he was fifteen earth years old. On his planet the color red is yellow there's a shortage of good music and all of his siblings would tease him when he was young that he was gay. He said that his planet was invaded by aliens that looked like really cute lobsters, they massacred most of his people and most of his...well I kind of zoned out after that, but it seemed really interesting.
I love find out new things about people.

customer #3
this customer wasn't really a customer, because he didn't buy anything.

nothing, nothing in their pockets, not even lint.

oh wait, I just imagined this one, there is no customer# 3

customer #4:no pockets, I asked if we could take a look in her purse, she said no, I grabbed her bag, it was heavy, I dumped it on the floor.
-one make-up bag, lipstick, eye stuff, face stuff, eyelash stuff, orange bottle of "medication," razor blades ("for sharpening eyebrow pencil",)
-one 12' high tension rope ("for rock climbing class")
-latex gloves ("to clean up after my doggy")
-empty vile labeled "tears of lover" ("ha ha, you know, it's a joke")
-empty vile labeled "blood of lover" ("now look, just, stop it.")
-video camera
-one sheet of paper with the words barely legible: "WE WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER"
-four bottles of lighter fluid and matches("it's for a bbq, ok, stop writing that down")
-passport (whoa, really bad photo)
-$10,000 in pesos (eh, that's pretty normal)
-wig, blonde, short cut (she's already blonde and short, why would you need wig?)
-extra dark sunglasses
-tan trench coat

assessment: clearly, this lady knows how to party, I tried to invite myself to what I can only assume is going to be one hell of shindig, she grabbed her things and forgot to pay for her ice nonfat triple latte with a shot of sugar-free vanilla, I'll remind her next time.

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