Saturday, October 15, 2011

how to dress up as your favorite movie star

Halloween is just around the corner, what are you gonna be...slutty nurse, slutty vampire slutty pirate? BORING come on, you can do better than that. Here's a list of 3 inspirational costumes your friends will wish they though of:

1) Hunter S. Thompson, in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (it's a bit pricey, but worth every penny.)

what you'll need:
-Hawaiian T-shirt
-canvas hat
-cigarette hold (cigarettes optional)
-blue blocker sun glasses
-6 grams of cocaine
-24 ounces of mescaline
-13 LSD tabs
-9 ounces of marijuana
-15 grams of horse tranquilizers
-and 4 more grams of cocaine

your friends are gonna love you at night and hate you in the morning, watch out for giant lizard people!

2) Beethoven (the dog, not the composer)

what you'll need:
-find a large dog like Beethoven, I forgot what he is, Burmese water dog or something,
-skin it
-wear it.
-wear running shoes, because you will be chased by angry mobs of San Francisco dogs lovers.

3) George Clooney

Sure it's easy to be an outrageous character like Mike Myers as Austin Powers, find a purple suit, pair of glasses, shaggy wig, bad teeth, call it a night, someone that has a certain unmistakable look, but is sooooo easy to replicate and that's been done a thousand different ways a thousand different times, what about dressing up as an actor. This is applicable to just about any actor, I just thought I'd choose George Clooney, because my mom has a major crush on him.

what you'll need to do:
-fly to LA
- make an appointment with facial reconstruction plastic surgeon, Dr. Babak Azizzadeh
-give him an 8x10 gloss of George Clooney 
- imagine how much you wouldn't ever in your wildest dreams pay for a double that.
-ok, now buy it. it doesn't have to fit, just get the thing.
-avoid all cell phone calls, because it's your bank, you probably only have a few weeks to live before they come after you and repossess all your possessions, family and organs. we'll get how to evade them in a bit, get back to San Francisco, have a blast looking like George Clooney, but be aware, because your friends won't believe it's you (yeah, Dr. Azizzadeh is that good) so they'll just think it's the real George Clooney, they'll go ape and not understand why an A list star is hanging out with them asking if they wanna get shots at the 500 club. You'll end up walking around with a mob of people asking for stuff and pictures with them giving the camera thumbs up, you'll have to go to the one place that people can accept you. yes, LA. 
-go to LA, you'll get off the plane. People will stare, but just smile and give a head nod, good.
-run to the taxi, the credit card companies are on to you, they've contacted Dr. Azzizadeh, they know your a George Clooney double, they've got agents at all the airport terminals
- take the second cab you find, the first always has an agent in it. Good, okay, go to George Clooeny's estate. I don't know where it is, but maybe get one of those "maps of the stars" on Rodeo or Hollywood blvd, or something, I don't, you're smart, find it quick!)
- now, if you're a pro this won't be hard; walk up to the Clooney estate, wave to the security guard, he's gonna talk into his wrist and have one of those curly white wires in his ear, make fun of his wife, break the tension, people like it when you make fun of their wife. he laughs, and opens the giant golden gate, you're in!
- quickly walk, don't run, up the steps, through the front door, 
-the dogs, damn those dogs, they know, the can smell your San Francisco scent, they know you're not the real Clooney, lock them in the closet or something.
-The maid says she thought you went to the studio to rehearse for the week to film Evita 2 with Julia Roberts, tell her you forgot something and not to be so nosey, then insult her wife,..YES! it works again!
- wait in the bedroom and find the sharpest, heaviest thing you can, wait...wait until he gets home.
-kill George Clooney...what you didn't see this coming?
- Pay some thugs to ship the body to your credit card company.
-assume his identity, learn about his mannerisms, what his favorite color is all that stuff, have Dr. Azzizadeh and everyone in his office killed, you're Clooney, you can do anything, just be charming and suave about it
-now that that's all taken care of, go to that really A-list Halloween party in Hollywood or Brentwood or whatever dressed as a kitty cat, because that would be so funny if you dressed as George Clooney dressed as a kitty cat. You can be all: "I'm George Clooney and I'm a kitty cat."

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