Thursday, July 11, 2013

Possible Possibilities Vol II

Possibility number 3)
Fayes participates in backwards day:
 yad sdrawkcab ni setapicitrap seyaF

We put our clothes on backwards
.sdrawkcab no sehtolc ruo tup eW

Our heads start to hurt from talking like this.
.siht ekil gniklat morf truh ot trats sdaeh ruO

Eating our throw-up is getting a bit tedious.
.suoidet tib a gnitteg si pu-worht ruo gnitaE

Possibility number 4)
Doctor Michael McConnell has been hard at work in his laboratory examining his slides of stuffed animal tissue through his microscope when a small red ray appeared through the eyepiece. He stood back and called his assistant, Mr. Lawrence. Both were stunned that this ray seemed to appear merely from the refraction of light an nothing more. Dr. McConnell drew the curtains and the ray strengthened under the florescent lights. They slightly moved the microscope and the ray disappeared. "MaaaAh," groaned the doctor, "it must be in this exact angle that the red ray can refract the light!" They placed the instrument back to it's original location and the ray re-appeared. Soon the two where experimenting with the ray; placing it over coffee beans, and watched in amazement as the beans doubled, then tripled and quadrupled in size with in a matter of minutes. "Remarkable!" exclaimed Michael. "Think of the possibilities," cried Mr. Lawrence. The two grew tired after hours of experiments and turned off the light to sleep. "the Faye Ray!" Dr. McConnell said as he turned out the light.

The next day Dr. McConnell awoke early and called Professor Matthew Troy to tell him of the new discovery. "This can not be! I must see it for myself," Matthew said.  "But it's true, come see for your self, but please, bring the largest coffee grinder you can find! and Hurry!" said Michael.
Professor Troy arrived a half-hour later with a ice-cream churn and while Justin boiled serveral gallons of water, the two grounded the coffee.  The grounds smelled of wet dirty hair and shit. "PFFFFF!" growled Matthew, "Are you sure these are coffee beans?! They smell awful. I don't think we should continue this experiment unless we have determined a proper guinea pig to try the coffee first." "They are coffee beans, they are! And you're not thinking of the profits we could turn. My dear Mr. Troy, these beans are just the beginning, the Faye Ray will be used to increase the world's food supply! Kale as big as a house! Tomatoes the size of Volkwagon bugs!" "Bugs!" shouted Mr. Lawrence, "What if a bug were to cross the field of the ray,"
"Thee Faye Ray, Mr. Lawrence, thee Faye Ray; use the proper name!" corrected Dr. McConnell
"My appologise, The Faye Ray, but think of the destruction an ant or wasp that is four times in size"
"Phooey!" said Michael, "you're over-reacting."
And Mr. Lawrence left the room, worried as he swatted at a fruit fly that passed his nose.

Dr. McConnell and Professor Troy were left in the room to stare at the red beam for a quite a long time, each allowing their mind to wonder until Professor Troy put his hand in his pocket and mumbled; "What, do you hypothesize the Fay Ray's effect on a member of human body, say a finger, or toe, would be?" The question fell heavy in the room for a long time. Matthew begin to think the Doctor would not take his question seriously. "I have been wondering the same thing, and though I'm not sure the Fay Ray has been properly tested on enough organic material, I suspect that it would grow just as the coffee beans, the penny and watermelon . However, with each new item we test the Fay Ray on, the effects, while astounding, have a negative impact on the quality; the coffee beans smell terrible, the penny began to patina and melt into the floor, the watermelon's rind was mealy and dry. I'm curious, but nervous to see what harmful effects the Fay Ray would have on a human being."
Interesting, thought Professor Troy. "I'll wait until he leaves for lunch and make my move!" he thought.
Later Doctor McConnell goes to the Taco stand down the street while Matthew picks up the phone and whispers into the receiver.

Mr. Lawrence appeared in the door way of the laboratory. "Can I be of some assistance, Professor Troy?"
"Why yes my good Mr. Lawrence, take this money and go to the Mission Police station and bail out whatever poor criminal looks the weakest and most innocent and bring him back to my laboratory!"
"No, Doctor, no! You mustn't!"
"Lawrence! do what I say or I'll tell the Doctor you stole the money! Go! To the Mission Police station, now! And bring him back to Laboratory number 34"
And off ran Mr. Lawrence until he reached the police station and he took a deep breathe and strightened his shirt and walked slowly through the hall. The Police station was packed full of
OH MY GOD, I don't have the patience to write this anymore. It's crap!

Sophie is the police Sargent that takes a bribe and bails Colby out of jail. They both have really elaborate back stories and wonderful descriptions of small details of their lives blah, blah, blah, but I'm bored, blah, blah, blah. At the same time, Matthew has stolen the measurements of the microscope and taken them back to his laboratory where he's taken found the exact position to recreate the Fay ray. He's evil, duh. Mr. Lawrence comes back with Colby, there's a debate and they yell at one another about mortality and the fate of humanity, it's actually a really great speech given by Mr. Lawrence, it resonates with pertinent current events and draws a strong parallel to nuclear war, the 3D printer and blah, blah, blah, and then there's a fight, Professor Matthew shoots Mr. Lawrence in an attempt to stop him from going to the authorities, though he should have when he had the chance. And Colby nearly escapes, but doesn't. His assistance, Alfonso (again, incredible back story, a miracle he's still alive after the lion taming and the revolution and the giant rubber band ball indecent blah, blah, blah,) disposes of Mr. Lawrence's body and runs back to hold Colby the criminal's shoulders against the floor down as they aim the ray in the middle of his forehead...this is call suspense when it's done properly.
Molly, Professor Troy's partner at the college yells as she walks into the room at the sight of a stranger being held on the floor about to be exploited to another one of Matthew's malicious experiments. She spills her coffee that smells like shit and dirty hair. It's a small part in this poorly written story, we don't really know anything about her, but the yell is really good, it's not a screech, it's a yell from the gut. Unlike most yells it's actually satisfying to hear, because one can only wish that in a moment of true terror that this would be the sound that we would make compulsively and  purely.  We can't train ourselves to make the appropriate sounds while being tormented by horror, and often what does erupt is something foreign and unrecognizable; "ERRRRAHHHHH!!!"  "GASP AHHHHHHHFRAAAweeeeee???!?!?!", sometimes even the words we spew out are not suspecting: "FUCKING FUCK!!?!" "DUUUUUUUDE!!!!" "HOLY CRAPPY SHIT!!!!!!" what? this is not how we want to explain the horror we see before our eyes, but words have failed us before, as they are failing me right now as I try to kill this awful beast of a possibility.

 back to the detail-less synopsis of this failed story.

Shit goes from worse to worser, as the ray is activated, it hits a fruit fly that happens to be flying in between the lens and Colby's forehead, it explodes into the room and what emerges a giant fruit fly, imagine a really great description of a giant fruit it?....ok.... what's worsest is it's carrying 1000 eggs in it's stomach and those hatch and grow to eight times the size of their mother, and their spawn 16 times etc., etc., and I don't care anymore the monster fruit flies kill babies, they kill doggies, they kill everyone

 " think of the destruction an ant or wasp that is four times in size."

 That's call foreshadowing, I wasn't sure you'd get this far into the possibility, or maybe you scanned it, regardless, if it were well written I wouldn't have to point that out. but.... oh wait Molly is pregnant with a fly baby too. scandalous! Over the course of...I don't know, 3 weeks everyone in the world is eaten my killer fruit flies, we're all dead. done. I stole most of this story from Mikhail Bulgakov's the Fatal Eggs

Possibility 5)
Fayes starts to sell postage stamps.

No comments:

Post a Comment